Warm on the Inside

.......Today was the day that I was to go and have my car serviced by the mechanic at Morgantown Tire. The usual tire rotation and realignment was in the works. So I started off from my house and made my way to town.

..... .Once standing inside the car shop I could almost hear a little girl's voice saying, "Daddy, how much longer?". Before I knew it the overwhelming smells of oil and gasoline had brought me back to a day long forgotten. In my mind, in the distance I could see my dad. I could picture him like it was just yesterday, a man of stacky build hunched over a 70's style bicycle tightening and untightening bolts and screws. He was in the old, white garage that was in need of a major paint job. I noticed that he had left the garage door open so I could watch him fix my bike. I giggled when I got close to see his thinning, black hair sticking out from under his red cap. The cap had Hall's Gas & Oil printed on it. He wickedly smiled at me as I approached him. I was now able to see his choice of garments for the day. He had on an oil spotted, light grey mechanic's shirt and the old, greasy black pants that always went with his shirt. This was his favorite fashion statement when fixing things around the house. He said to me, "Keep your britches on, I'll be done when I'm done!". He said it all in one big breath. He seemed so scary to me at the time, but he was like that. It was a kind of unscary scariness. He was like that, rough around the edges, but all warm on the inside.

....."Can I help you?", my dream was interrupted by the shrill sound of the desk clerk's voice. This voice was earthly, it was not my dad's. I realized that I was not six years old anymore, but sixteen, and I was back in the car shop. "I'm sorry," I said as I felt the heat of red rushing to my face. I paid for my bill and rushed out the door. I got into my car and the memories of my dad come flooding back to me with no mercy. I was left dumbstuck with tears and emotions. Eventually I pulled my teary-eyed-self together and started my car.

.....I didn't know where I was going exactly now. I decided to just drive and drive. Eventually I found myself at the driveway of my childhood home. It was now owned by some nice, old lady whose husband had died a week before they moved. In the front yard there were ghostly apparitions of children. They were mostly of my family and I. We were flying kites and watching them get caught in the lifeless tree branches. Suddenly the door popped open and here came my dad, his face was flushed with irritation. "Let me show you how to do it the right way, all your doin' is tearin' up the kites. I didn't spend five bucks for some wood and plastic just so you could flush my money down the toilet!" At the sound of his voice we all nodded our heads in agreement. I handed over the string to my dad as I once more saw that wicked grin. I smiled on the inside, still not for whether to be afraid or not.

....."Honk, honk!" the sounding of a horn awakened me again and I realized where I was at the present. I pulled out of the driveway. "Luckily no one was at home," I thought to myself, spinning gravel as I went. "What is wrong with you?" I asked out loud. "Go home and forget it ever happened!"

.....Driving down the road towards home I passed the trucking business that my dad had co-owned Roy T. I saw someone standing there waving at me. He was about five feet eleven inches tall and had a dark olive complexion. His shirt was of a light grey hue and his pants were that greasy, black color. There was also a red cap on top of his head, little tufts of black hair were sticking out from under the dirty, old cap.

....."Slow down!", he said to me.

....."I will," I replied. I found myself riding an old, 70's style bike with a flower covered basket on the handlebars.

....."Don't come crying to me when you wreck and bust your butt!" he said with a grunt. Of course as soon as he said that I ran over a pothole and hit the ground with a skid and then a final thud when I landed in a nearby ditch. I looked up and saw my daddy running to me.

....."Baby, are you ok? Let me see if you're alright," he blurted out as he reached my side still with a wrench in his hand.

....."I love you daddy," I whispered.

.....I heard myself say this and woke up just in time to hear some dirty looking, old man honking his horn at me. "Right back at ya!" I said aloud as I reluctantly sped up to satisfy him. I hate impatient drivers.

.....I decided to go and see my daddy this day. So my next and final stop of the day was to be Aberdeen cemetery. I pulled up the drive with a sense of loneliness and sadness deep in my heart. I made my way through the lost loved ones until I found the one I was seeking. Looking back now I can remember kneeling down and dusting off the headstone, so I could have a spot to place my usual kiss. To the ground I whispered the day's adventures. I got no reply this time, as if I would really get one back. I felt that I knew what he would say to me now. Even with him six feet below me and endless miles above me, I know now what he would want me to hear him say. "Where in the hell have you been girl? You haven't been to see your old dad in a while. You know how you get when that happens", I could hear him say. I now know that the whole day had had its purpose. It was to show me that I had been feeling really guilty about not having the time to see my dad in a while. I was getting the subtle reminders that I deserved, even though it was all in my head. To me he may have been rough around the edges, but he was definitely all warm on the inside; that's why I will miss him until the day I can finally see him again.